i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
