I wish I could teleport
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
