saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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