All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
