OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Couch. On fire.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
