an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
