Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
