the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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