I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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