I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
