I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
