If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
