Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
