Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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