for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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