By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
