FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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