I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
