my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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