she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
