Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
