just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
