He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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