we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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