I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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