I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame