so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight