Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dicks are not precious.