my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.