Plan B is the new Plan A
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks