so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
