chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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