He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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