i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
