look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
