Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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