i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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