you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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