There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
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I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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