you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
