I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
