he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Please don't give away my fajitas
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
