I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
