I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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