I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
