I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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