I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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