i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
