omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
