Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
