I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
