Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
