CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
