I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
