Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
