Can Purell be used as lube?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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