I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
