Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
