I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
