Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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