There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
