hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
