he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
