where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
