OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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