I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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