my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
