She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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