he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
