my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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