What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
